i never liked crayons

I never liked crayons

I chose pens and pencils

I never drew outside of the lines

I was confined by the lines

I stuck to drawing on papers

I never left my fingerprint on the wall

I wore tights and danced with my hair in a bun

Instead of dancing with my hair out

I spent hours learning keys and theories

Instead of just listening to the music

I cared too much about A's 

Instead of just not giving a damn before it really mattered

I always said my please's and thank you's

I never spoke past my please's and thank you's

I only ever wrote essays

I hated writing

Now that I put the pens and pencils down

Drew past the lines

Painted my bedroom wall

Hung up the ballet shoes 

Put away the sheet music 

Submitted my college transcripts

Forgot to be polite

And enrolled in creative writing

I think I like crayons now

adronitis

Let's skip past how you've been, where you're from, what you do

Let's dive heart first with the head following

and leave our hearts in the deep end

because there's comfort at the bottom of the swimming pool

Let's get to know the organs before the skin

so our heartbeats are in sync 

and our lungs share their own oxygen

Let's create a playlist of our minds

and listen to shuffled thoughts on replay
 until the sound is memorized

Let's sneak out at 2am

because with the silence of traffic comes the loudness of words

Let's say goodbye to hellos and hello to familiarity

because I have a diagnosis of adronitis 

and only you can cure it

not a wall

i am a brick waiting to be cemented into a wall

a wall that on its own is a wall 

but with perspective is a canvas 

a wall sprayed with paint and powdered with chalk

with the purpose to not look like a wall

with copied and pasted words speaking sounds 

that vibrate through the bricks to be heard 

bricks that on its own is just a brick

but with perspective is the easel of the canvas

the canvas awaiting the brush of colors, sounds, and words

to stand out amongst the walls of walls

of bricks

i am one brick

that wants just a stroke

a letter

a line

to become apart of the whole that makes that wall

                              not a wall

i can't write about love,

because love is in its youth and too young to be written about.

cute girl

A boy said to me I couldn't be told a trial he was going through because I was a cute girl

Just a cute girl

As if being a cute girl means to impress me you have to suppress anything deep

As if being a cute girl prohibits my ability to be deeper than cute

As if being a cute girl means if I speak past cute I must be emotional damage

As if being a cute girl means I can't be competitive because that's too aggressive

As if being a cute girl means if I don't distort my face with makeup I look tired and sick, and if i do I'm lying about my appearance 

As if being a cute girl means if I snort and cackle instead of closed mouth laughs then I am no longer a cute girl

As if being a cute girl means if I voice my opinion then I must be one of those feminists and no boy likes a feminist

As if being a cute girl means I can only earn a salary of 5 digits because any amount over 6 digits degrades the male to feeling unworthy of being the "man of the house"

As if being a girl means I can only earn 79 cents for every dollar a male makes

As if being a girl means in lesser developed countries I am reduced to breath air and pump blood for two reasons: to please the man and bear children, preferably boys

As if being a girl means in the more developed countries women's rights were passed a mere 97 years ago out of the 200,000 years humans have been recorded to exist

As if being a girl means 97 years later there is still a silent segregation between sexes

As if being a girl means in Utah if I wear a bikini, dresses mid thigh, and swear then I'm a hoe and no righteous mormon boy would marry a hoe

I'm not a feminist who is going to flash everyone because nudity doesn't represent any relevance to the imperative issues of gender equality

But the fact that humans have existed on this planet for 200,000 years and we're still not perceived as equals is an injustice that has been overlooked by the men who see us just as cute girls

Or maybe he was just calling me cute

But what do I know, I'm just a cute girl

your tag

I found a hat the other day

Not one that was stiff and ordinary with conformity

But one that rejected symmetry with the remnants of wear

One saturated  with the stench of uniqueness

With scuffs and stains and picked loose threads

Much like the scuffs and stains and picked loose threads of mine

But similarities only accentuate the differences

And so the decayed hat intrigued me

The deterioration exuded a history I endeavored to devour

And so I followed the tag to you

And that hat I found the other day

The hat that was just a fraction of your closet

Became a fraction of all I love about you